Taking Grammar Nazi to a Whole New Level

Don’t sue me, I didn’t make it!

I’ve always wanted to talk about correcting people’s grammar on my blog, because I know how frustrating it can be to have a decently constructed conversation on the Internet. Several people have called me a “Grammar Nazi” in my life, which along with soup and feminists, is a pretty common subject to label “Nazi.”

However, I realize that approaching this topic may lead to my most controversial post to date, given the sensitivity surrounding the Holocaust. Thus, I would like to preface my statements:

By no means am I literally and legitimately comparing the despicable Nazi party to people who complain about comma usage.

As an Armenian-American whose culture has also been ravaged by genocide, I wholeheartedly empathize with the communities affected by the horrors of World War II. Please view this post as intended to be humorous and serve as a reminder that the freedom of speech is one of the many things we fought for 70 years ago.

Okie dokie? We’ll all play nice? Alrighty then, br1ng 0n t43 l0ls!

I actually don’t mind the phrase “Grammar Nazi;” in fact, it bothers me when people of relatively average knowledge of the English language are called it, because the term needs to be revised to discuss the degrees between the occasional hobbyist and the most nit-picky grammarians. Thus, I’ve created a hierarchy of complainers, so you can find out which category you fit into and discover how much better (or worse, depending on your perspective) it can get:

*Insert GIF with subtle use of Nazi salute*

Grammar Schindler

You know English pretty darn well and are considered an “insider,” but you never actually correct anyone and secretly don’t mind casual Internet talk with no capitalization or punctuation. You may even frequently misspell grammar on accident. You believe that aS lOnG aS pEoPlE DoNt TaLk LiKe ThIs, you won’t write them off. (Get it? “Schindler’s List?” Never mind, moving on…)

Only forgivable if you’re a baby!

Grammar SS

You’ve got the makings of a real Grammar Nazi, but you’re still just correcting the basics. You may know the difference between “your” and “you’re,” and “to, too, and two,” but let’s face it: so do 8-year-olds. You still can’t differentiate between “who” and “whom,” and you don’t understand why you shouldn’t (usually) end your sentences with prepositions. But you’re trying, and that’s what counts.

“Superman does good.” Perfect comeback!

Grammar Reichleiter

Now you’re getting somewhere! You not only correct people online, but you also correct people to their faces! No “Can I?,” “I could care less,” and “I’m doing good,” goes unnoticed. (Not even questionable double negatives, as seen in the previous sentence!) Best friend, total stranger, Nigerian princes in need of immediate money orders, there are no exceptions when it comes to making English better, one semi-colon at a time.

Superb grammar: Yet another reason I need to watch Dr. Who!

Grammar Hitler

The Der Führer of Grammar Nazis, you laugh at those who think themselves superior for knowing “fewer” from “less.” You possess supreme understanding of all phrases, clauses, idioms, modifiers, tenses, and voices. You get nauseated when people misuse “nauseous,” and disrespecting the predicative nominative will have you screaming, “Woe is I!” You probably took Latin in school, and if you’re a teacher, you relish in your multiple proofreading utensils of various colors (only amateurs limit themselves to red pens). You’ve corrected everyone so many times that they’re afraid to talk to you. But that’s okay, because you’d rather be feared than loved.

I’d have to say I’m between a Grammar Reichleiter and a Grammar Hitler. I had one classmate of mine unfriend me on Facebook after I pointed out that she was not “lactose and tolerant.” Just this week I replied to a marketing email from Red Robin restaurants, correcting them on their unfortunate subject line of “Being Royalty has it’s perks!”

And my favorite, I took a picture of this monstrosity two years ago:

I'm embarrassed for this valedictorian's friends, who clearly needed a few more semesters of English before graduating.

I’m embarrassed for this valedictorian’s friends, who clearly needed a few more semesters of English before graduating.

Thanks to the my favorite high school English teacher (a true Grammar Hitler) and my two years of studying Latin, my understanding of grammar has greatly improved. However, I understand that grammar is like a second language, and simply speaking English is not a good enough prerequisite. Thus, I try to bite my tongue, because I’ve quickly learned that people don’t like feeling dumb. But boy, do I love when people correct themselves in front of me before I do! Makes me feel like being a Grammar Nazi is worth it when people learn!

So controversial label aside, I love grammatical humor, which the Internet brings in abundance. For more fun, check out these wonderful websites:

And don’t forget to share your own grammatical pet peeves in the comments!

If Children’s Books were R-Rated Movies

Just popped in to share some laughs, courtesy of CollegeHumor. Using movie posters from action and horror flicks, they’ve re-imagined eight of our favorite kid’s books. Check out a few below, and then click the link to see the rest!

Any other stories you’d like to be edgier? What if The Giving Tree decided to take back what’s hers? How would you like to find out Where the Wild Things Are or Where the Sidewalk Ends? And whatever you do, don’t get caught in Charlotte’s Web! The possibilities for little league mayhem and destruction are endless!

Weekend Goodies: “Carrie Diaries” Trailer and some book snob memes!

It’s my first day as an alumna from Fresno State, and I feel fantastic! My friends and family have been so supportive, and even though I’m nervous about taking steps into the ‘real world,’ I’ve never felt happier, and I can’t wait to conquer life my way! I’m so excited to see what the future has in store for me!

One thing I’m looking forward to, as you all know, is the premiere of “The Carrie Diaries” on the CW. The trailer debuted yesterday, so take a peek:

My first impressions are that this show will be a total teenage guilty pleasure, full of naivete about the big, bad world out there. It actually combines both book prequels The Carrie Diaries and Summer and the City, but I already know that the CW won’t follow the plot-lines exactly.

And that’s not a bad thing, given that the show “Gossip Girl” completely kicked the book series in the behind. Plus, it looks like the show offers more diversity, since there weren’t any Asians or African-Americans in the novels. Yay for multi-culturalism!

So overall, it will be complete fluff, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be entertaining!

Now for a shout-to another book blog. I noticed that Insatiable Booksluts had tweeted about Snobbery’s post “What It Means to be a Book Snob.” I hope they don’t mind me sharing these hilarious Condescending Wonka memes, because I think you guys will totally relate!

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Please support this wonderful blog Snobbery and check out the rest of the memes! And share any book-related funnies you find on the interwebz! Spread the LOLs!!!

Book Review: Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea

Cover of "Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, ...

Image via Amazon

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Earlier this week I finished listening to the audiobook Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea (2009). Narrated by the author Chelsea Handler herself, it was great to compare the audiobook to Tina Fey’s Bossypants and Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? All three women are outstanding comedians in their own rights, but Handler is certainly an acquired taste.

I’ve seen Handler’s talk show “Chelsea Lately” a handful of times, so I knew what I was getting into. She is unafraid to discuss the most politically incorrect of situations, from her DUI and night in jail to her obsession with little people. If you’re easily offended, back away from this read. No race or religion escapes her mockery, and if she’s willing to insult her closest friends and family members, you know no topic is safe.

While I didn’t laugh out loud as much as I did during Bossypants, Handler has her hilarious moments. Some of the stories are funnier than others, but since they were narrated chronologically, it was interesting to see her progress from an elementary student lying about being in a movie with Goldie Hawn to win popularity with her classmates into a woman dragged on a Costa Rica vacation by her father who pretends to be her husband to fly first-class.

My only issue with the novel was I wasn’t sure just how autobiographical it was. Even as a child, Handler writes with an adult vocabulary and perspective, so the early scenes weren’t as believable. She gets herself into some crazy situations, including starting a brawl with some high school Latinas, so it’s up to you to determine fact from fiction.

Granted, she has filled in some details in various interviews, so I was already aware of her teenage abortion and her hatred of Angelina Jolie. While she often described herself as poor and unpopular when she was young, clearly that’s not the case now. Ignore the “I’m just like you” mentality that many celebrities like Handler perpetuate, and just enjoy the outrageous anecdotes as semi-fiction.

Again, if you’re uncomfortable reading about a woman who revels in drinking, drugs, and one-night-stands, then this book’s not for you. But if you think Handler’s more entertaining than obnoxious, then you’ll probably get quite a few chuckles from Are You There, Vodka?

Favorite Quote: “I rolled over and picked up Us Weekly magazine off the floor. The cover had a picture of Angelina, Brad, and their little Eskimo son, Maddox. I saw staring at the photo, wondering why this little boy looks so pissed off in every picture. At first I thought he was just pissed about his Mohawk, but then I realized he’s probably furious. Maddox must have thought he hit the jackpot when some A-list celebrity rescued him from third-world Cambodia, only to discover that she was going to shuffle him back and forth to EVERY other third-world country in the universe. He’s probably like, ‘When the f*** are we gonna get to Malibu, b****?”

What’s the [Really Disturbing] Story, Wishbone?

The cutest Robin Hood! (Image via Buzzfeed)

Three days ago, comedy website FunnyOrDie.com posted yet another amusing video (And yes, those who know me remember that when this site was launched, I thought that it was pronounced “Funny Ordy.” I still stand by my thought that comparing adjectives to verbs is confusing, but whatever. Glad my friends and family enjoyed mocking me!)

Anyways, the video is called “Wishbone Reboot,” and since I can’t embed it here, click the link! It imitates the introduction to “Wishbone,” one of my favorite TV shows as a child which used classic novels to teach life lessons.

What’s hilarious about the parody is that it includes books which would never had made it on the kid’s show, such as Lolita, A Clockwork Orange, and The Road. It got me thinking just how many novels in the literary canon are simply too graphic for the elementary school demographic.

But what if “Wishbone” had an adult version? Which masterpieces would you love to see acted out by a Jack Russell Terrier?

Here’s my top 10 picks:

  1.  Medea by Euripides
  2. Bacchae by Euripides
  3. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
  4. The Stranger by Albert Camus
  5. Lysistrata by Aristophanes
  6. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
  7. 1984 by George Orwell
  8. Oedipus Rex by Sophocles
  9. Edgar Allan Poe’s short stories: “The Tell-Tale Heart,” “Hop-Frog,” “The Cask of Amontillado”
  10. Franz Kafka’s short stories: “Metamorphosis,” “The Judgment,” “In the Penal Colony”

Now I don’t read extremely horrific tales, so let me know what other stories could make the cut for an R-rated “Wishbone.” Go crazy!

Literary LOLs

It’s been a lazy Saturday for me as I finish grading my last 20 papers and passing time until my Skype date with one of my bffs. I’ve been surfing the net for giggles, and while I’m currently obsessed with Clients from Hell and #whatshouldwecallme, I found these infographics on BookRiot.com. They all deal with the idea of Katniss, Hermione, and Bella faced with paying rent, so if you enjoy YA heroines, then you’ll like these!

Katniss from The Hunger Games:

 Hermione from Harry Potter:

Bella from Twilight:

Note: All these images are credited to dr b at Book Riot. If you want to reblog, give credit where credit is due! Please and thanks!

Audiobook Review: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

Rating: 4 out of 5

Ever since I listened to Tina Fey’s Bossypants, I loved how audiobooks made my commute more enjoyable. Only interested in light-hearted books that require little concentration (because how hard would it be to pay attention to Moby Dick while avoiding crazy text-and-drivers?), I decided that Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) would make a good follow-up.

Mindy Kaling became famous for playing Kelly Kapoor on the American version of “The Office.” Her character is so obnoxiously shallow and narcissistic, but Mindy is actually someone most women could relate to. She’s a 30-something size-8 who likes gossip, guys with chest hair, and sneaking out of parties. I loved learning all the quirky tidbits about her, like how she creates revenge fantasies for her workouts, or how she hates the color navy.

Mindy talks about her childhood friends, her jobs leading up to “The Office,” and how she handles fame. She dishes on her co-stars Steve Carell and Rainn Wilson. Even her friends BJ Novak, Mike Schur, and Brenda Withers provide the other various voices on the audiobook.

Bossypants literally made me laugh out loud, but Is Everyone… still got me to chuckle every now and then. Even though Mindy’s not as funny as Tina in my opinion, I think younger readers will appreciate Mindy’s struggle to date men not boys, over Tina’s frustrations with the mommy wars. But if you’re a fan of female comedians, you’ll probably love both of them.

So got any more great audiobooks ideas? Only requirements: must be read by the author and offer lots of laughs!

Favorite Quote: “Teenage girls, please don’t worry about being super popular in high school, or being the best actress in high school, or the best athlete. Not only do people not care about any of that the second you graduate, but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life. What I’ve noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also big star later in life. For us overlooked kids, it’s so wonderfully fair.”