Audiobook Review: My Horizontal Life

Rating: 4 out of 5

After listening to Jenny Lawson’s hilarious Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, I wanted to keep up the laughs. Each audiobook that I’ve purchased since I started spicing up my road trips has been written by a female comedian, so of course I had to follow this new tradition of mine.

This time I returned to a familiar author, Chelsea Handler. I enjoyed Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea (2007), and I knew it was only a matter of time before I picked up My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands (2005).

My Horizontal Life was Handler’s first memoir, published when she was 30 years old. As the title suggests, it’s a compilation of her craziest trysts during her teens and 20s. Her partners include a Vegas stripper and a little person working as a waiter in a cantina.

She also shares stories about her relatives: her German mother, Jewish father, Mormon sister, and four other older siblings. As the baby of her eclectic, opinionated family, it’s no surprise that she had a dubious dating life–if only to gain some much-needed attention.

I think that the book’s subject matter is self-explanatory, but I’ll mention this anyway: Chelsea Handler is not for the faint of heart. She’s crude, outrageous, and often politically incorrect. Her stories involve heavy drinking and drug use, which are often catalysts to her sexual escapades.

She can also be extremely self-absorbed and hedonistic. Her lovers are usually chosen on good looks alone, and are tossed aside quickly when they don’t meet her superficial standards.

But you know what? Who cares! These anecdotes would never have formed if she had stuck to the straight and narrow, and I applaud her for turning her rendezvous into a successful career in comedy.

I have to laugh at all the prudish pearl-clutchers who reviewed this book poorly. What did they expect? It’s not like they intended to buy a book written by the Duggar family, and this one jumped into their tote bag by mistake. Puh-lease.

So yes, if you bought a book about one-night stands and then got upset because it was too vulgar, then you’re as naive as Chelsea’s old roommate “Dumb Dumb.”

I’m not saying that Handler is the most feminist or sex-positive person, but I respect her for living it up in her youth and not settling down with a husband and kids just because everyone else thinks that’s what you should do. As long as everything’s safe and consensual, it doesn’t matter who or how many.

You do you, Chelsea. Grab another Ketel One and keep on having a blast!

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5 thoughts on “Audiobook Review: My Horizontal Life

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