Search Terms Lost in Translation

No matter what your subject matter, it’s always amusing to see what search engine terms have led people to your blog. One of my favorite book bloggers over at 101books.net shared his latest batch of search questions today, so I thought that I would offer some of mine, conveniently categorized into the cool, the confusing, and the kinky (it’s an alliterative kind of day!)

The Cool

i’m katniss and i know it

Ooo, is there a Hunger Games parody of that catchy “I’m Sexy and I Know It” song by LMFAO? I can picture Katniss dancing in a Gale and Peeta sandwich like some Vegas go-go dancer. Somebody, be a dear and send me the link, because this would be sweet!

tattoos guys would get for their mom

Aw, isn’t that adorable? Whoever typed this in, I hope you found an inspirational quote or song lyric that your mother would’ve loved. Just be careful with portraits, as I’m sure you saw plenty of horrendously bad examples that make loved ones look like demons from Japanese horror films. So I’m glad you’re doing your research!

Monday poems

Hmmm, if I wrote a poem about Monday, what would it be? “It must be hard for Monday, whom no one’s ever liked. But Monday can be Fun Day, if your coffee has been spiked!” JUST KIDDING! Who am I, Kathie Lee and Hoda? I certainly don’t condone going to work buzzed, but why not cheer yourself up by reading Masterpiece Monday? It’s an instant mood-booster!

The Confusing

ed westwick teeth

I have referenced actor Ed Westwick before, when discussing the richest fictional characters, but this search term has me stumped. Do you like his teeth, or are you being a bigot toward the British? Have you seen the rest of him, because I think you might be missing the point. The man behind the best bad boy on TV, Chuck Bass, has great hair, amazing style, and brooding eyes…but his teeth are alright too, if you’re into that, I guess.

hogwarts teacher table

Are you interested in some literary home decor ideas? Or do you mean an organizational table with all the Hogwarts teachers on it, maybe categorized by subject? I hope it’s the former, because now I’m imagining an HGTV for fictional settings, and I would definitely watch that!

diagram society hunger games

I have a feeling you meant “dystopian,” since “diagram” makes no sense to me. Highly doubt this person meant Venn diagrams, pie charts, and bar graphs. Any guesses, readers?

The Kinky

naked women wearing glasses

I didn’t know that discussing my LASIK surgery would make me vulnerable to pervy search terms, so all I can say to this person is that I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for. I know that people might get the wrong idea from a blog called “Book Club Babe,” but I am not a sexy secretary, schoolgirl, or librarian. Can you imagine what the women over at InsatiableBooksluts.com have to deal with?

glasses sex pics

Oh, now you’re just being lazy. At least the other guy included the word “women.” If you’re going to objectify, you deserve objects only. I hope that you stumbled upon some freaky site of two pairs of glasses going at it, like some Stanton Optical commercial gone awry.

sex poems for my boyfriend

Well, I guess this could be worse. At least you sound like a giving lover. I would personally recommend “To His Coy Mistress” by Andrew Marvell, which is like a classier version of an Akon or Pitbull song. Although I must add, nothing says “I love you,” like something homemade!

There you have it! The coolest, most confusing, and kinkiest search terms I’ve gotten so far. What did you think? Can you top mine? I’d love to hear some of your gems!

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Weekend Goodies: “Carrie Diaries” Trailer and some book snob memes!

It’s my first day as an alumna from Fresno State, and I feel fantastic! My friends and family have been so supportive, and even though I’m nervous about taking steps into the ‘real world,’ I’ve never felt happier, and I can’t wait to conquer life my way! I’m so excited to see what the future has in store for me!

One thing I’m looking forward to, as you all know, is the premiere of “The Carrie Diaries” on the CW. The trailer debuted yesterday, so take a peek:

My first impressions are that this show will be a total teenage guilty pleasure, full of naivete about the big, bad world out there. It actually combines both book prequels The Carrie Diaries and Summer and the City, but I already know that the CW won’t follow the plot-lines exactly.

And that’s not a bad thing, given that the show “Gossip Girl” completely kicked the book series in the behind. Plus, it looks like the show offers more diversity, since there weren’t any Asians or African-Americans in the novels. Yay for multi-culturalism!

So overall, it will be complete fluff, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be entertaining!

Now for a shout-to another book blog. I noticed that Insatiable Booksluts had tweeted about Snobbery’s post “What It Means to be a Book Snob.” I hope they don’t mind me sharing these hilarious Condescending Wonka memes, because I think you guys will totally relate!

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Please support this wonderful blog Snobbery and check out the rest of the memes! And share any book-related funnies you find on the interwebz! Spread the LOLs!!!

Literary LOLs

It’s been a lazy Saturday for me as I finish grading my last 20 papers and passing time until my Skype date with one of my bffs. I’ve been surfing the net for giggles, and while I’m currently obsessed with Clients from Hell and #whatshouldwecallme, I found these infographics on BookRiot.com. They all deal with the idea of Katniss, Hermione, and Bella faced with paying rent, so if you enjoy YA heroines, then you’ll like these!

Katniss from The Hunger Games:

 Hermione from Harry Potter:

Bella from Twilight:

Note: All these images are credited to dr b at Book Riot. If you want to reblog, give credit where credit is due! Please and thanks!

Worst Sentences of the Year!

It’s that time again! The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest! Named after the British author who penned the infamous opening sentence, “It was a dark and stormy night,” the annual contest asks writers to send in the worst lines imaginable. There are many different categories, but the grand prize winner was Sue Fondrie, a professor at the University of Wisconsin.

Here’s her 26 word fiasco:

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

Ugh! Nothing says gross like chopped-up metaphorical sparrows!

I also got a kick out of these entries in the fantasy and romance categories:

Within the smoking ruins of Keister Castle, Princess Gwendolyn stared in horror at the limp form of the loyal Centaur who died defending her very honor; “You may force me to wed,” she cried at the leering and victorious Goblin King, “but you’ll never be half the man he was,” Terri Daniel from Seattle, WA

As the dark and mysterious stranger approached, Angela bit her lip anxiously, hoping with every nerve, cell, and fiber of her being that this would be the one man who would understand—who would take her away from all this—and who would not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had, Ali Kawashima from Greensboro, NC

Now you won’t find these sentences in any books at your local bookstore, but that doesn’t mean what gets published is any better. What’s my pick for worst writing of 2011? A Shore Thing, “written” by Jersey Shore reality show “star” Snooki.

Just check out this tidbit of literary genius:

 Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.

Wow, move aside To Kill a Mockingbird, I think I just found The Great American Novel.

So who else deserves to win the Bulwer-Lytton award? Send me the best of the worst!

Calling All Fictional Sugar Daddies!

The Lost Boy (Gossip Girl)

Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass

So I’m going to a local casino with a friend this weekend, and that got me thinking about Forbes’ Fictional 15: the richest people who never existed. Those with literary origins include Carlisle Cullen from the Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer, Artemis Fowl from his namesake series by Eoin Colfer, Smaug the dragon from The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien, and Chuck Bass from the Gossip Girl series by Cecily von Ziegesar.

So who would be the best gambling buddy? Smaug would never actually share its wealth and most likely burn everyone to a crisp. Carlisle could be very persuasive in getting my competition to lose, but a sparkly vampire would probably be more of a distraction to others. Chuck Bass is certainly rich, but if he looks anything like his TV counterpart Ed Westwick (*swoon*), he would be a major distraction to me.

Therefore, the winner: Artemis Fowl! Not only is he loaded with gold, both human and fairy, he is also a teenage genius.  A world-champion chess player would have no problem with a little blackjack, making him the perfect wing-man.

But alas! Their fortunes will only exist on the page, and I will have to fend for myself…it’s just fun to fantasize, right?

Know of any other sugar daddies or dragons that Forbes forgot? Who would you want by your side at the high-rollers’ tables?