Masterpiece Monday: 5 Classics I Will Never Read

Last week I discussed the five classic novels that I really want to read, and I’m happy to say that I’m making a dent on that list. I finished Francesca Segal’s The Innocents, and now I’ve moved on to Kafka’s The Trial. I haven’t read enough to make an opinion yet, but keep a look out for my review of The Innocents this week.

Today I want us to be completely honest. We all love books–there’s no denying that–but let’s face it, we don’t love all books. There are stories so bad that we wouldn’t touch them with a fifty foot pole. Most of these stories are easy to mock, like 50 Shades of Grey, but what happens when the literary world has dubbed them as masterpieces? Do we still voice our hatred or bury it deep down to avoid offending the literati?

Well, I’m not afraid of speaking my mind, so without further delay, these are the five classics I will never read, unless bribed or under threat of torture:

1. Moby Dick by Herman Melville (1851): I have disliked Melville ever since I read his short stories “Bartleby the Scrivener” and “Benito Cereno.” His writing is so dull and dry that I cannot imagine being able to read an entire novel about a man hunting a whale. I’m sure under the surface there’s some wonderful symbolism, but the surface makes me want to fall asleep. How can this guy have been neighbors with Nathaniel Hawthorne? That’s like saying Kristen Stewart lives next to Meryl Streep. They may both be in the same profession, but they might as well be on different planets. Call me Ishmael? Call me never.

2. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner (1929): I’ve stated many times before that my least favorite writing style has to be stream of consciousness, of which Faulkner is king. If it wasn’t for Sparknotes, I would never have finished his Intruder in the Dust. It was such a frustrating reading experience that I swore off Faulkner forever. If I wanted to read insanely long, incoherent sentences which ramble about nothing of significance, I would work in politics.

3. Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf (1925): I wish that I liked Woolf, because I think she lived a fascinating life. Nicole Kidman played her beautifully in the film adaptation of Michael Cunningham’s The Hours. But I have never been so bored as when I read her novel To the Lighthouse. Almost nothing happens. The characters want to go to the lighthouse, but put it off for decades. By the time they go, some have died and it’s just not the same. I’m surprised that Woolf and Faulkner weren’t partners in a writing workshop, because Woolf’s stream of consciousness is just as bad.

4. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens (1843): This has to be the most overdone, cliché story of all time. Seriously, check out this Wikipedia page; it’s mind-boggling. I dislike most Christmas stories in general for being sappy lessons about morality and childhood innocence, but this one takes the cake. We get it: Scrooge is a humbug, and the three ghosts of his past, present, and future fill his heart with Christmas spirit. Excuse the Valley Girl reference, but gag me with a spoon. Dickens himself doesn’t suck, because I loved A Tale of Two Cities, but if A Christmas Carol was never adapted again, I think the world would be a better place.

5. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (1955): Ok, if someone could write me an absolutely stellar review of this novel–like it changed your life forever–then I might consider reading this one, but only out of morbid curiosity. Let’s face it, Lolita is the most famous story about a pedophile ever written. I’m pretty squeamish, and I’m apprehensive about the emotional trauma that might occur from being stuck in the mind of a sick bastard. Nabokov is the only author on this list that I haven’t read personally, so I think it might be better to test out one of his other novels first.

Alright, I just unleashed a ton of controversial opinions, so feel free to share your own. Should we agree to disagree? Which books do you not want to waste time reading? Don’t be afraid to shout out your thoughts–trust me, it’s therapeutic!

Masterpiece Monday: A Tale of Two Cities (My 100th Post!!!)

Cover of "A Tale of Two Cities (Oxford Wo...

Cover via Amazon

Rating: 4 out of 5

I blogged about Charles Dickens’ 200th birthday last week, and today I’m celebrating another milestone: my 100th post!!! I’ve been blogging since July, and even though in my mind my blog is teeny-tiny, I’m so proud that I’ve almost reached 4,500 views since I started! Yesterday I even broke a record with an all-time high of 69 views in a single day! Yes, still teeny-tiny, but you’ve got to start somewhere!

Before I unleash my review, I wanted to write a mini-update. My life’s been SUPER busy lately: I’m in the midst of writing my comprehensive paper that’s due in less than three weeks, my hours are steadily filling up at work, and I have my hands full promoting Fresno State’s CineCulture program and working as a student grader for the MCJ 1 class.

But I’ve also jam-packed my schedule with vacations!!! Not only am I going to Tokyo this summer, I’ll probably be going to Vegas THREE times this year–for a graduation trip with my classmates, for a girls’ getaway with a BFF, and for a bachelorette party. 2012 is going to be a kick-ass year, that’s for sure!!!

Ok, now on with business. If you haven’t read Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities…well, your high school may be crazy, because if “literary classic” was in the dictionary, it would be one of the first entries. I mean, the beloved children’s show “Wishbone” even had an episode on it!

The novel was published in 1859, and it narrates the events of the French Revolution through various characters in London and Paris. Teenager Lucie Manette is told that her father is not dead like she thought, but was imprisoned in the Bastille and now spends his days making shoes.

Two men are in love with Lucie, Charles Darnay and Sydney Carton. She marries Charles and raises their family in London. However, Charles had been accused of treason and when he returns to France to help a former servant, he is arrested and sentenced to death.

However, because Sydney is devoted to Lucie’s happiness–and because he looks eerily similar to Charles, Sydney courageously takes Charles’ place at the guillotine. His last words are, in my opinion, the absolute best in literature: “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”

As I’ve said before, Dickens can be pretty long-winded. There are many other characters in this novel, including the one you love-to-hate Madame Defarge, and most of the book runs low on energy. However, the last chapters explode off the page, making this read so worth the wait.

Not to mention, Dickens is not just an expert at realism, he also creates beautiful symbolism, such as the golden thread and the guillotine. Even the characters Carton and Darnay are allegedly two sides of Dickens’ psyche, given that they shared his own initials (Who said Wikipedia can’t teach you anything?).

I love this novel and recommend to the dedicated reader. Many high schoolers will hate Dickens’ verbosity, and if you also loathed this book when you were young, I encourage you to give it a second chance. Or at least watch the “Wishbone” version, because that show was simply awesome.

Favorite Quote:  “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” (What can I say? I heart Sydney Carton!)

Happy 200th Birthday Charles Dickens!

Even Google honored Dickens’ b-day!

Today is the bicentennial of Charles Dickens’ birth (lived 1812-1870), so I thought I’d offer my opinion of the man synonymous with Victorian literature. But first, some random facts I learned about him via his Wikipedia page:

  • He was the second of eight children, and then had ten children with his wife Catherine.
  • He had a near photographic memory.
  • He was involved in the Staplehurst rail crash of 1865, in which the first seven train carriages fell off a broken bridge. Dickens was in the last first-class carriage, and his experiences helping the wounded left him traumatized.
  • Five years to the day of that accident, Dickens died. His last words were allegedly, “Be natural my children. For the writer that is natural has fulfilled all the rules of art.”
  • He stated in his will to not erect any monuments for him, but a life-size bronze statue can be found in Philadelphia.

Now I have a love/hate relationship with Dickens’ work. I think that A Christmas Carol is so overrated that I refuse to read it. I also loathe Great Expectations with a bloody passion after my freshman “English teacher”/debate coach completely ruined the novel with ridiculous assignments. However, I read Hard Times, and although it was pretty dull, I appreciate it as a honest look into the Industrial Revolution.

And, of course, my favorite novel of his will always be A Tale of Two Cities. It probably has one of the best first lines in literature:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way — in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”

I’ll write a full review of A Tale of Two Cities for the next Masterpiece Monday, but it’s an exquisite story of love and turmoil during the French Revolution. Yes, due to serially writing his installments, Dickens is known for rambling about very little for a very, very long time, but I would say that the last five chapters of A Tale of Two Cities was one of the most rewarding reading experiences–so worth the struggle to get that far.

The Washington Post put it aptly: “We live in the age of TLDR — “Too long, didn’t read [but] When Victorian readers slummed it and put down their Seneca and Marcus Aurelius and whatever else it was they were expected to be reading, they picked up Charles Dickens in the grocery-store checkout aisle. If only we were so lucky.”

So while I may not love Dickens enough to attend UCSC’s week-long summer event “The Dickens Universe” (which I’ve heard is positively delightful, so click here for more info if it tickles your fancy), I do respect the author for shining a spotlight on the working class and giving us some of literature’s most memorable characters, such as Oliver Twist and Miss Havisham.

As for my own reading update, I just finished Book One of Tender is the Night, and because the book’s taking longer than normal to finish, I’ll probably post a mini-review sometime this week. Stay tuned!

30-Day Book Challenge (Condensed to fit my life)

Cover of "WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS"

Spoiler: The dogs died, and I cried...a lot. (Image via Amazon)

I’ve been racking my brain about what to blog…I already feel guilty about not blogging as frequently as I did during the summer–alas! the demands of grad school!–but since I’m not done with Madame Bovary yet (about 150 pages to go!), I thought I’d borrow a list from my book club friend Bridget at http://bridgetsbooks.wordpress.com/.

It’s a 30-Day Book Challenge to discuss the books in your life. I’m not as dedicated as Bridget to do one day per day, but why not check in with the list every now and then? Since it’s Sept. 8, I’ll do the first 8 days:

Day 1: Favorite book = His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman

Day 2: Least favorite book = Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

Day 3: Book that makes you laugh out loud = Bartimaeus: The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud

Day 4: Book that makes you cry = Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls

Day 5: Book you wish you could live in = The Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien

Day 6: Favorite young adult book = Any book written by Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries series

Day 7: Book that you can quote/recite = Hamlet by William Shakespeare (and LOTR of course!)

Day 8: Book that scares you = Down a Dark Hall by Lois Duncan

I won’t go into more detail, unless you’d like to know the reasons behind a certain choice of mine! (But I’m sure I’ll discuss these books frequently on this blog). I’d love you all to comment with your own entries, and I’ll be sure to finish the list when I can!